TRUTH BE TOLD

What is lying's role in relationships? How important is it to tell others the truth and have them tell you the truth? Do our relationships last because we tell the truth? Or, is it feasible, that they last because we don’t? And if we don’t tell one another the whole truth, does that mean, in truth, that we are lying to each other?

But do we even know when we’re lying? According to research studies, many of us tell at least a couple of lies every 10 minutes. That’s a potential 18 lies per hour. Is it even remotely possible that we do this without realizing it? For one thing, there are different kinds of lies: we have lies of commission (we tell outright lies) and lies of omission (We don’t reveal the complete truth).

We also have different motivations for lying. Sometimes a lie is self-protective—we lie because we don’t want to get into trouble, embarrass, or expose ourselves. Other times, we lie to protect another person’s feelings or because we don’t want to reveal what we are really thinking or feeling about him or her. Is there such a thing as being “too honest”—that is, telling another person too much truth? Maybe there are untruths about ourselves that we need to believe are true for us to continue to function and be happy. 

Thus, we may perceive some lies as acceptable because they help shield us from truths we don’t want to or are not strong enough to face. That also means that we may perceive those lies that protect the liar but not the person being lied to as bad. However, it may be that both good and bad lies exist only in the eye of the beholder.  If so, are the lies you tell yourself more or less harmful than the lies you tell another person? And once you have told that lie, does “coming clean” ever really wipe the lie-slate clean between you? Or if discovered by the person being lied to or revealed by the liar, is the lie an irrevocable destroyer of personal credibility and therefore trust? Where do you stand on this question?